salon chat with kim chee
"don't make me laugh. it hurts to laugh"
"oh this will make you laugh: why does a level-headed raisin -- oh shit i said 'raisin' -- ok, why does a level-headed grape always dry up in the sun?"
"..."
"because it's the only raisinable thing to do!"
"why did the grape make a face when it licked the curtain?"
"..."
"because he had sour drapes!"
i am in pain
"who the hell is unlocking the NumLock" ("i didn't say hell!")
"i admit it was me"
"it's a neurosis"
"it's a neurosis to get all upset about it"
"i didn't get upset about it, i just wanted to know who was DOing it"
"and i said, 'it was me' -- that light on the ergonomic keyboard was giving me seizures"
"the light doesn't flicker. it's a solid green light"
"it goes on when you turn the computer on! besides, playing with the NumLock gives me something do to every time the computer is booting up -- otherwise you just feel helpless. useless. nothing but a husk." ("i didn't say that!")
"toe socks should be illegal"
"toe socks are wicked"
"i need someone to buy me socks"
"he needs a wife"
"i also need a fully body wax"
"why don't you marry her? she can come live with us!"
"talk to me when you're not sick"
"i ate this whole tub of yogurt" (holds up a whopping 500g tub)
"you're gonna be farty!"
"i'm not lactose intolerant!"
"we should have a baked bean party!"
"chick peas make me gassy"
"mullets rawk!"
"mullets are huge in mediterranean countries!"
"but you're not mediterranean. if i shave your head while you're asleep, don't blame me"
"i am going to get a haircut which you will absolutely hate. then you will want my mullet back"
"don't lick me"
"but you gave me a wet willy. UNprovoked"
"i swear to god, i will bite you"
"that's gross"
"no one reads this, right?"
if you would like to be a part of these insightful discussions, join us every wednesday night at chateau nice. ("where's the circumflex?!?!") just look for the rotting spruce on the front lawn. citrus, cookies and lactose-packed treats will be provided. but don't make the lactard laugh when she's sick-- otherwise her lungs will collapse.
"the problem now is that i'm only thinking in soundbites, like a politician -- or blogbites"
"how come the lactard doesn't have an ethnic name? i hate Voula"
"i LIKE Voula!"
"can't we call you the Ming Dynasty? or is that too political?"
"can we just end this blog now?"
"yes, let's go to bed"
"but what if we say something funny now?"
"and then?"
"NOTHING! turn it off!"
(giggles all around)
"make it stop!"
"this is a neurosis"
exeunt
"did i spell exeunt correctly?"
"yeh. end with that"
ends typing
"nice"
"with a circumflex!"
"oh this will make you laugh: why does a level-headed raisin -- oh shit i said 'raisin' -- ok, why does a level-headed grape always dry up in the sun?"
"..."
"because it's the only raisinable thing to do!"
"why did the grape make a face when it licked the curtain?"
"..."
"because he had sour drapes!"
i am in pain
"who the hell is unlocking the NumLock" ("i didn't say hell!")
"i admit it was me"
"it's a neurosis"
"it's a neurosis to get all upset about it"
"i didn't get upset about it, i just wanted to know who was DOing it"
"and i said, 'it was me' -- that light on the ergonomic keyboard was giving me seizures"
"the light doesn't flicker. it's a solid green light"
"it goes on when you turn the computer on! besides, playing with the NumLock gives me something do to every time the computer is booting up -- otherwise you just feel helpless. useless. nothing but a husk." ("i didn't say that!")
"toe socks should be illegal"
"toe socks are wicked"
"i need someone to buy me socks"
"he needs a wife"
"i also need a fully body wax"
"why don't you marry her? she can come live with us!"
"talk to me when you're not sick"
"i ate this whole tub of yogurt" (holds up a whopping 500g tub)
"you're gonna be farty!"
"i'm not lactose intolerant!"
"we should have a baked bean party!"
"chick peas make me gassy"
"mullets rawk!"
"mullets are huge in mediterranean countries!"
"but you're not mediterranean. if i shave your head while you're asleep, don't blame me"
"i am going to get a haircut which you will absolutely hate. then you will want my mullet back"
"don't lick me"
"but you gave me a wet willy. UNprovoked"
"i swear to god, i will bite you"
"that's gross"
"no one reads this, right?"
if you would like to be a part of these insightful discussions, join us every wednesday night at chateau nice. ("where's the circumflex?!?!") just look for the rotting spruce on the front lawn. citrus, cookies and lactose-packed treats will be provided. but don't make the lactard laugh when she's sick-- otherwise her lungs will collapse.
"the problem now is that i'm only thinking in soundbites, like a politician -- or blogbites"
"how come the lactard doesn't have an ethnic name? i hate Voula"
"i LIKE Voula!"
"can't we call you the Ming Dynasty? or is that too political?"
"can we just end this blog now?"
"yes, let's go to bed"
"but what if we say something funny now?"
"and then?"
"NOTHING! turn it off!"
(giggles all around)
"make it stop!"
"this is a neurosis"
exeunt
"did i spell exeunt correctly?"
"yeh. end with that"
ends typing
"nice"
"with a circumflex!"
posted by Lottie at 11:23 PM
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