complete waste of time
since initial 'fitness assessment' went well with nice red sweatshirt staff member, i decided to try my luck at the Y again. a month later. i was working lots of nights.
barely remembered how to program the stationary bike but somehow managed.
found my orange card that was supposed to guide me through the process.
got back on the bike.
by minute 6, my legs were burning so much I had to stop.
so fucking lazy.
get off machine and stretch.
start again.
reprogram bike to level 1 instead of 3 (out of 12).
10 minutes later, finish that workout, barely breaking a sweat but the heartrate thingy said i was within my target range. fine.
walk over to machine #8 to attempt some leg swingy excercise.
card says to set seat in position 1. um. it's been a month since the 'fitness assessment', not sure how to do that.
look at machine, look at organge card feeling stupid, look at machine.
orange card no help.
put down waterbottle.
find a staff dude in red sweatshirt.
wait for him to finish his conversation with dude who's obviously done this before.
"um, can you show me how to adjust a machine?" [outloud]
hesitates, "which one?"
turn around and see super sweaty man on my machine.
"guess he didn't see my water bottle and bright ORANGE card right next to the machine." [in head]
"oh, it was that one (pointing to #8), but I guess number 9 is fine." [outloud]
walk over with red sweatshirt dude.
"you just adjust the seat to the number."
"ya, no shit." [in head]
show him orange card
"i know, i just can't remember how to do it (smile supidly)." [outloud]
"oh, you just pull this and adjust it."
"fuck, now what" [in head]
"ok, now what do i do? it's been a while (smile again)" [outloud]
inching away, "just put your arms on there and crunch down"
"like this?" [outloud]
"i feel like a moron" [in head]
red shirt guy glances away, obviously more interested in helping dude whose leg is bigger than his head
"keep your chin on your hands"
walks away
"thanks jerkface, i thought you guys were supposed to be helpful" [in head]
reassure self that i'm doing fine.
do crunches.
3 reps of 20.
barely feel a thing.
convince self it'll all get better.
alrighty. sweaty man gone from my machine.
go over and figure out how to adjust seat on machine # 8 based on previous logic.
read vague instructions on machine.
"now is it swing all the way left and push towards middle or start on right and swing towards middle?" [in head]
"hmm" [outloud]
read machine instructions more closely.
no help.
pick one option and swing legs 20 times.
doesn't feel right.
try other way.
doesn't feel right.
look around to see if anyone notices.
look for red shirt dude who's nowhere in site.
fight back tears of self pity.
look at machine instructions one more time to see if they've changed.
feel stupid.
realize i don't actually have to be there.
get up and march towards filing cabinet.
put back orange card.
march to changerooms fighting back the tears.
look at schedule to find a class that might be more useful than random machine experience.
all classes are held during days.
fucking housewives.
march home with tears in eyes contemplating when to give in and cancel membership.
barely remembered how to program the stationary bike but somehow managed.
found my orange card that was supposed to guide me through the process.
got back on the bike.
by minute 6, my legs were burning so much I had to stop.
so fucking lazy.
get off machine and stretch.
start again.
reprogram bike to level 1 instead of 3 (out of 12).
10 minutes later, finish that workout, barely breaking a sweat but the heartrate thingy said i was within my target range. fine.
walk over to machine #8 to attempt some leg swingy excercise.
card says to set seat in position 1. um. it's been a month since the 'fitness assessment', not sure how to do that.
look at machine, look at organge card feeling stupid, look at machine.
orange card no help.
put down waterbottle.
find a staff dude in red sweatshirt.
wait for him to finish his conversation with dude who's obviously done this before.
"um, can you show me how to adjust a machine?" [outloud]
hesitates, "which one?"
turn around and see super sweaty man on my machine.
"guess he didn't see my water bottle and bright ORANGE card right next to the machine." [in head]
"oh, it was that one (pointing to #8), but I guess number 9 is fine." [outloud]
walk over with red sweatshirt dude.
"you just adjust the seat to the number."
"ya, no shit." [in head]
show him orange card
"i know, i just can't remember how to do it (smile supidly)." [outloud]
"oh, you just pull this and adjust it."
"fuck, now what" [in head]
"ok, now what do i do? it's been a while (smile again)" [outloud]
inching away, "just put your arms on there and crunch down"
"like this?" [outloud]
"i feel like a moron" [in head]
red shirt guy glances away, obviously more interested in helping dude whose leg is bigger than his head
"keep your chin on your hands"
walks away
"thanks jerkface, i thought you guys were supposed to be helpful" [in head]
reassure self that i'm doing fine.
do crunches.
3 reps of 20.
barely feel a thing.
convince self it'll all get better.
alrighty. sweaty man gone from my machine.
go over and figure out how to adjust seat on machine # 8 based on previous logic.
read vague instructions on machine.
"now is it swing all the way left and push towards middle or start on right and swing towards middle?" [in head]
"hmm" [outloud]
read machine instructions more closely.
no help.
pick one option and swing legs 20 times.
doesn't feel right.
try other way.
doesn't feel right.
look around to see if anyone notices.
look for red shirt dude who's nowhere in site.
fight back tears of self pity.
look at machine instructions one more time to see if they've changed.
feel stupid.
realize i don't actually have to be there.
get up and march towards filing cabinet.
put back orange card.
march to changerooms fighting back the tears.
look at schedule to find a class that might be more useful than random machine experience.
all classes are held during days.
fucking housewives.
march home with tears in eyes contemplating when to give in and cancel membership.
should've gone to korean grocery store with loretta.
posted by Mariza at 12:37 PM
3 Comments:
you didn't miss much. pizza face never got to the korean grocery store.
don't give up. i think you should make your time there more enjoyable by buying yourself a red sweatshirt and giving advice to random gym-goers.
you need a gym buddy. or an i-pod with which to listen to angry music on while working out.
i'll get Phyllis and Phil to send you an email to cheer you up and encourage you. maybe Paisley will even send her regards if you are lucky.
ha.
Kat, I think I WILL go buy myself a red sweatshirt.
I guess if I look on the bright side, I actually went to the gym which was my original intention. Working out will be the next step.
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