this is the best song about throwing out your christmas tree EVER!

"we've gotta try the potato gun, i bought a baked potato..."

[Fabio starts strumming his guitar]

"tomorrow night we undress the tree"
"let's strip him down now"

sprucy you're gonna go to the lawny/
sprucy it's been goin' on too long/
sprucy you're going for a ride/
sprucy you're gonna visit the wood chipper and you're gonna end up inside/

it's gonna tear me up inside, but not as much as it's gonna tear you/

oh sprucy, you're gonna be sawdust soon/

oh sprucy, i'll sprinkle you on my playground in june/ [laughing]

"is this really a spruce tree?"

"yes!"
"you need to write it in lyric form with..."
"i need another verse though"

sometimes when i look at my christmas tree/
i think on friday morning where's he gonna be/
you're gonna be out in the cold sprucy/
cause christmas is getting old/
sprucy, you gonna shiver/
sprucy, winter in french is spelled 'hiver'/
oh sprucy, you still gonna be true to me/
but i feel a little less christmas-y/
oh sprucy your needles on the ground/
you're gonna get what's comin' round/

[laughter]

"this is good"
"the stirfry or the song?"
"the stirfry"

oh sprucy...i can finally see out the window/
oh sprucy...you're gonna feel which way the wind blows/
it's lonely in that truck/
but we don't give a fuck/
cause it's valentines day soon/
oh sprucy, there's an angel on top of you/
but i'll be the devil...I'm gonna get rid of you/

[maniacal laughter from Fabio]
oh sprucy....something 'bout christmas beliefs/
oh sprucy, we're not even gonna save you for a christmas wreaf.../
your branches are dry/
if you hafta ask, that's the reason why/
we gotta get rid of you.../
you're startin to sag/
chateau nice has gotta get a new bag/
oh sprucy.../ [laughs]

[instrumental]

put you up/
hang those lights/
and stand around/
popcorn garland/
lights all red/
but you know when you get chopped down/
you gonna end up dead/

[laughter]

"ok, i got nothin' more"

...and chop you down/

"that was good"
"it's G and D"

[guitar]

there's one less tree in the grove/
you might ask us, 'where's the lohve?'/

"how do you spell lohve?"
"l-o-v-e..?"
"that's love"

...sprucy....8 feet tall.../
oh sprucy/
you're headed for a fall/
oh sprucy/
you been so good to me/
oh sprucy/
why we so bad to you/
oh sprucy/
gotta do what chateau nice has gotta do/
chateau not so nice/
all filled up on stirfry and rice/

"nah, that's stupid"
"wanna write that verse I just sang?"
"hold on, i've gotta do some editing here"

[guitar]

"you want more verses?"

oh sprucy, eight feet tall/
but even the tallest tree/
has got to take a fall/

[melodic humming]

"the humming!"

oh sprucy/
your needles and your bark were so juicy/
(i should have sang, "we interpret the 10 commandments loosely")
but now you're gettin' dry/
you're comin down from that christmas high/
ya life's a bitch/
when you end up in that snowy cold ditch/
oh sprucy/
that's gratitude/
oh rusholme road/
we got a baaaad attitude/
oh sprucy/
can you ever forgive us?/
can you ever forget us?/
would you let us know sometime..../
how life is in that wood chippin' line!/

[phone rings]

then the phone rang/

[trails off to get to the phone]

but the chateau still sang...