Thursday, February 22, 2007

You know you need to get laid when...

Dear CTV,

I would like to formally complain about the way you treat viewers with respect to your programming. For the past season, I have tuned in to CTV to watch Grey's Anatomy, which I have been faithfully watching on CTV for the past 3 seasons. This season, I have become so absolutely incensed that I was compelled to do what I never do, and that is write a complaint letter. About a TV show.

WHY do you CONSTANTLY switch the time the damned show appears? I'm not sure what your fancy studies have told you about your viewers, but I for one have a life beyond the television. I work late. I have hobbies. And I happen to like, no, love GA. I TRY to watch it every week, except quite regularly, you go and pull a stunt like putting it on an hour earlier (when they've left us with a cliffhanger, no doubt) and replace it with the garbage that is American Idol. I can't watch missed episodes on ABC because of the crime of not being American and you haven't put it on your site for those of us who have trouble keeping up with your scheduling changes. At times, you don't give us re-runs but simply different programs all together and then without warning, after we've stopped checking in each week, GA reappears, once again when I've stopped looking for it. I can't win with you people. All I really want to do is watch the show. I would be happy if you would let me, but I really do think you are trying to shake off your viewers. I don't get it and the fact that I'm even sitting here writing a complaint letter to a TV station about a TV show is an indication of how much at this moment I hate CTV.

Why? Why won't you just put it on one damned time slot and let us watch it in peace. I don't want to watch talentless middle-Americans "sing" their hearts out and if I see one more episode of CSI, I'm going to vomit. All I want to do is watch GA, and I'm about to get into a cab, go to my friend's house who has cable and watch it on ABC. Then I am going to go online and burn it and watch it, commercial free, because I, as a Canadian, cannot purchase it legitimately, view it online legitimately or even tune in, thanks to the great efforts of your programming department.

A response would be appreciated but not expected.


Tuesday, February 13, 2007

protuberances on my neck

"That's quite the pimple you've got there on your neck."
"A pimple? Really?"
"Ah jeez, I'd been playing with it all day -- I thought it was my mole!" I've had this body for 30 years, and you'd think I should know by now, where my mole's been affixed to my neck all my life. I thought it was a little more bulbous than usual!
"That's not a mole, it's a beauty mark."
"What's the difference?"
M shrugs. "A mole sticks out...?"

"Oh it is a mole alright. I've seen pictures where this mole has cast a little shadow on my neck." My mole sits left of center. I can feel a tuft of hair sprouting out of it already. It's that age thing again.